I have been doing some serious introspection lately. For some reason, when it occurred to me last Saturday it has been 9 months since I have worked in an office, and since that time I still don't know what to do now, it hit me hard. Sometimes I question whether I am using my time well. What do I have to show for this time? Am I maximizing this time or am I wasting time?
I feel like I'm having a harder time connecting with anyone any way besides online, and I'm really missing those discussions and the support. Heck, when you go from working and talking to various people so much you are just ready to escape at the end of the day, to just being at home most of the time it's a big change. I do miss a lot of my friends that are farther away now. I realized don't have a lot of real life friends around me any more! I also feel a little trapped, and many days too tired or withdrawn to really have a good dialog with anyone anyway when I do have a chance. I don't feel like I have the energy to build new relationships, and since I don't know if I'm going to work or not I am having a hard time connecting to all the stay-at-home moms. I just wish I could just focus on doing one thing. I am tired of exploring and keeping my options open, when this just feels more like indefinite limbo. Maybe that is why I'm feeling more withdrawn. I just don't feel like myself, or at least who I want to be in general right now.
I have been making a point to find more ways to enrich my life to help get myself out of this rut. I'm strongly considering taking some continuing education classes at the local universities and rec centers....there are ones over all kinds of interesting things I'd enjoy like learning to play tennis, how to start a home based business, how to write books for children, how to play different instruments, different dances and work outs, and all kinds of things. Most are very affordable too.
I have also been running more, and trying to seize moments instead of letting things get me down. For example, yesterday I woke up with a crazy dream just before 5am. To make a long story short, it set of a series of events that lead to Liam waking up, then Michael waking up, then him waking Liam back up and leaving me ultimately completely awake and unable to fall back asleep. After feeling frustrated and desperate since I was convinced I'd have no energy to do anything all day, I simply left the sleepers behind and went on a run at 6:30 am. I felt so crazy, but part of me felt giddy since I was taking control in the situation and turning a negative experience into a positive. I did a 45 minute work out, I enjoyed the morning and being out more than my previous night owl self imagined possible. I felt so energized when I arrived home at 7:30, as I heard Liam and Michael stirring (unaware I'd ever been gone). This really made a huge difference. This morning I slept until 7:30, but took Liam on a little stroll. Exercise is one of my balancing forces in life. It really helps keep my stress in check. I've missed it a lot over the last 9 months as well.
Despite all this, I'm still enjoying motherhood and feel more and more love for Liam everyday.
Liam and I took the BOB stroller out for a jog. It will still take some getting used to, I found the fixed wheel a bit hard to maneuver. My cardiovascular fitness is also lacking, even though I have people constantly telling me how in shape I look.
Liam's first tooth popped through back on June 12, and the second one broke through the gum on June 16. They are still moving slowly, and he's sleeping a little better most of the time.
We have been slowly transferring him to the crib for naps. I was on a roll, with one nap in the crib three days straight, and had 2 two hour naps in the crib on Tuesday. But Wednesday his schedule was off and he refused to nap in the crib at all. Yesterday I got him down for the first time by rocking first in the car seat and then transferring him over drowsy. Today, he was battling naps again and I think the fact he went to be at 10pm because of International Friendships is to blame. He slept alright, but not great last night (which is usually the case when he gets to bed too late). This afternoon he was fighting so long, both of us just gave up and Michael brought him back downstairs.
Then something that really amused me happened. After Michael set Liam on the floor, I noticed he crawled right for his car seat. In just a couple minutes, I noticed he climbed in so I ran for the camera. As I watched, I began to wonder if he was asking for a nap?
So, I took him upstairs, nursed him, he got drowsy, I set him in the crib, and he just rolled on his side and went to sleep! I guess he was asking for a nap after all. Oh, to think that whole battle before could have been avoided too.
Here is a series of Liam on the move: chasing the cats and trying to get into the kitchen:
Gotcha!
Let me in! 
Recently we also gave Liam some baked sweet potato fries. He loved him, and definitely enjoys practicing feeding himself.
Giving the thumbs up
One in both hands
if you look at the large picture...eeww, drool on the food!
The cats were so appreciative of Liam "sharing" his food, they even tried sweet potato!
No comments:
Post a Comment