From Meltdown to Mellow

I thought the emotional meltdowns might be a thing of the past, but I was wrong! On Friday I had a long day with plenty of frustration. No big frustrations in particular, just a slow a culmination of little things that started with noticing no one cleaned up the kitchen after dinner the night before, and continued with several little things at work. Arriving home from work and noticing pans still full of water in the sink and crumbs still on the counter, I'd asked someone to help take care of that morning, a storm started brewing in my unstable mental atmosphere.

I went to International Friendships like we commonly do on Friday nights to have a potluck and spiritual discussions with our Chinese friends. There, crowds of people felt overwhelming to me and I was frustrated by several things little Michael did (he probably didn't even know were annoying me even!). I seriously thought about leaving, but Michael had my keys. I hung in there, but felt no better, and was ready to cry at a drop of a hat by the end of the night. After our small group finished the discussions, I told Michael I needed to leave NOW. I was afraid if anyone came up to ask me questions or ask if I was ok, I would start crying. He was unable to leave right then, so I took the keys and went out to the car to pretend I was just tired and resting. Frustrated our car was blocked in so I couldn't leave, and Michael took what seemed like an eternity to come, I convinced myself he didn't care and sat there crying for several minutes. I had words for him when he finally got into the car. He let me vent patiently, then he calmed me down and I finally felt better. We started talking normally again and I realized he had been very concerned the whole time. All was worked out, and we had good snuggle time at the end of the night. He remained strong for me, and I am thankful for that strength to lean on when I need it most. I decided next time I'm having a day like that, I am not going to go to any group events like that and I'm going to focus on just taking care of myself instead. I don't do anyone any good trying to be present when I'm in a state like that.

The rest of the weekend was much better. We met up with Michael's brother and sister-in-law on Saturday and went to Ikea. We saw a sturdy crib that converts into a toddler bed for only $80, available in different colors I am strongly considering. They had so many fun and colorful items that are already giving me some good decorating ideas as well. It was a very productive trip. Afterward we went to Bravo Italian Kitchen for lunch, and that was very tasty. I consumed several pieces of bread, a side salad, and the whole lunch portion of Pasto Bravo. I didn't really need a big dinner after all that, but still....I used to not be able to finish a whole meal like that!

Later in the day we finally got to tell Michael's other Aunt and Uncle our news in person (they already got a hint earlier though). We also went to a birthday party for a friend and that was a lot of fun. I made some yummy, homemade guacamole that seemed to be a big hit. I was very mellow for most of the party, tired at one point, but was able to stay until midnight. That is the latest I have been able to stay up for awhile. A lot of people were drinking alcohol and such, but I wasn't much of a drinker before being pregnant (I hate beer) so it doesn't tempt me or bother me at all. I met a woman there who had a 13-month-year-old daughter and when she found out I was pregnant it gave us an instant connection to have a good conversation. It was fun also meeting a few other people and catching up with others I haven't seen in awhile too.

Today Michael and I had a funny argument over what to make for lunch. We were both trying to help each other out, and trying find something to make that was as quick and easy as possible. But we weren't communicating well, and both got more and more frustrated as everything we thought of was missing a key ingredient or was requiring more time and effort than we wanted to put into it. When we realized we had both raised our voices and were bickering back and forth, we asked "what are we arguing about?" Then we stopped for a cup of tea, started working together and finally came up with a solution. Both of us feel better and are ready to tackle the day's responsibilities after that small bump.

For now, I keep wondering when I'll begin to feel movement and when I might begin to show. Sometimes I almost think I feel something, but it is honestly so ambiguous right now I really have no idea. It should become more clear anytime within the next month!