Lessons So Far From the Second Baby

I was thinking about some of the things I have learned, or that surprised me in Madeline's first week of life. Here are a few observations in no particular order!

1. Regardless of how similar your second pregnancy feels or how similar you carry, it is definitely not a sure bet the gender is the same! I also hear this same statement can also be true when the pregnancy seems like the polar opposite! Also, don't get your hopes up either way based on those old wives tales or Chinese calender thing (that's supposed to predict gender off your age and the month the baby was conceived, or something like that). This little girl surprised a lot of people (was carried very low and out in front like a basketball, heart rate always in the 120's-130's, and other things that predicted boy) and proved those predictors wrong... my kind of girl! Mommy would have guessed boy based on pragmatic experience, but started learning toward girl the week before she was born.

2. Labor didn't feel the same the second time around, and the intense parts of transition and pushing are less scary when you've done it before. It also really was faster, but I'm sure there are exceptions to this. Breastfeeding still hurts the first few days. Remember, the newborn has to learn too no matter how experienced you are. Be patient and keep working on it! It gets a lot better. The postpartum contractions are more intense like they warned with the second baby, so Motrin was very nice to receive. I also found the hormonal swings were a little more wild... I noticed this mostly 10 minutes after I started breastfeeding and would suddenly feel ice cold. Then I'd be hot again afterward, and was sweating a lot at night the first few days. It eventually does even out!

3. Giving birth in the late afternoon at 4:06pm is great, compared to 1:28am. You can still have dinner, try to sleep in the evening, and I felt like it didn't throw off my days as much. Also, the delivery room is really pretty with the late day sun coming in.

4. The older child will go from seeming to love the new baby, to acting like a big baby. This is completely normal, and I hear it eventually will pass. ;-) We found it is better just to give him or her a little extra TLC and be patient. Remember, this is a big deal in their world (much bigger to them than to you!). Not quite like an arranged marriage, but regardless these two little people are now bonded for life whether they like it or not. If the older child starts having sleep issues, remember how you often also don't sleep well when a big change is happening and remember the ultimate goal is to do whatever lets everyone be the most rested the following day. This is just a transition, won't be the new routine.

5. If you plan on having water at hand while you are nursing a second baby, I highly recommend using a water bottle that won't break and doesn't spill. Spilled a lot of water (either while trying to stop Liam from getting into something, or helping him climb up, or either one of us kicked it over) the first week.

6. It's actually EASIER to get rest when you have the second baby IF you remember your lessons from before and just get yourself to bed early enough you get a solid block of rest and expect night wakings. Giving yourself at least 10 hours before you expect to have to get up in the morning seems to work well (at least for me). Overall, just knowing what to expect really has helped all around. I already knew what I needed set up for nighttime parenting (night light, diaper stuff, nursing stuff, etc), rather than having to slowly learn it all. Also, help your newborn shift nights and days from the beginning.

7. When Liam arrived I refused to send him to the nursery at the hospital. I barely got any rest and was very worn down, and then had several months of sleep issues postpartum. Nothing wrong with feeling this way, I think it's completely natural. But over the past couple years I have learned that other people can take care of my precious baby for a couple hours or so and it can be very refreshing to Mommy! Also, when you have another child who needs you to be rested, it is all the more important to remember this. The nurses were great, and they will bring your baby back if she needs you... she won't be left crying. Plus, until she starts to get days and nights figured out she might as well be asking for entertainment from someone besides you at 3am. You are paying a lot for your hospital stay (or your insurance company is), so you might as well take the child care option available while you have it.

8. Don't sweat nursing precisely every 2-3 hours. It's just an average! Unless there are real concerns about weight loss or your newborn is unusually lethargic, enjoy it if you get a few longer stretches early on and just watch they are still getting 8-12 feedings in at some point during the day. Just expect the baby to do lots of cluster feeding to make up for the lost time if you do get a longer break! I remember with Liam I even set my cell phone alarm so I wouldn't miss feeding at regular intervals. It's surprising I didn't drive myself insane! I since learned that is not necessary (and it was more stressful and tiring)! Respond to your baby's cues, and relax.

9. If anyone asks to help, take them up on it! If anyone offers to pass along clothes, take them up on it and just pass along anything you don't use. Girls get a lot more clothes than boys, but I am really thankful because I love dressing her in some girlie things in all colors after having a boy (not as wild about putting her in all the neutral yellow stuff).

10. Finally, while everyone is excited to come meet the new baby and help is definitely needed (especially when you first get home are will likely still be pretty worn down) be sure to block at least a couple days you can bond as a new family of four and limit or restrict visitors if necessary. This time has been so important to me, both as a confidence builder and as just a time of refreshment. I craved this time after I had been home a couple days, and now I have had it I am excited about having more visitors again and feel more ready to move into this new phase of motherhood!