Bedtime Rituals and Routines

The best news of the day: Michael had his proposal defense this morning at 8:30 am and it was accepted!! For us, it was the last day of winter in more ways than one. I dragged myself out of bed at 7:20 to go pick up some Dunkin Donuts and coffee to help him out, surprised I stumbled so loud and clumsily out of the room without even waking sleeping Liam up. None of us slept very well, not because of Liam but because the stress. We are so glad, this is behind us now, and Michael can begin looking for jobs and work toward graduating in 6 months minimum.

Tonight I tried a little experiment with our bedtime ritual. See, around a month ago we had one that really worked, I liked and Liam did well with. But between the time change, 4-month sleep regression, and all the stress I had really let it slide and slipped into a routine I was really starting to resent.

Our current nighttime routine was looking something like this. Anywhere between 7-8:15pm (depending on if I gave Liam a bath or not) I'd nurse him awhile in the rocking chair in his room (being super quiet and staring off into space most of the time or trying to read a little). I'd wait until he stopped sucking, then try to get up steadily, walk down the hall, and try to place him in the crib. He always woke up during the transition to our bedroom, fussed when I set him down in the crib, then I'd end up having to lay in bed next to him and nurse him until he was about to fall asleep. I never could successfully transition him back to the crib without waking him up, since he's getting so heavy, so I had to resort to leaving him on our bed with the monitor on at all times. I always had it set up so no pillows or anything soft was near him and he couldn't roll off, but I still didn't like doing this. I also hated trying to sneak out more. I always had to resort to laying there as quietly as possible staring off into space until he passed the "limp arm test," slowly scoot off the bed like I was sitting on thin ice, then creep off like a ninja trying to avoid landmines (creaky places on the hardwood floor). I'd wake him up so often, and have to start the process again. Then when we went to bed an hour or so later, I'd have to move him and wake him up again. Of course, then he wanted to nurse again. It just was frustrating (it sounds worse when I write it out!).

One of those nights I was lying there, planning my escape, I remembered one of the things Dr. Sears said I liked, "Don't persist with a failing experiment. If your current routine isn't working for your family, drop it." It was definitely time to try something new.

Since I had to get up so early today, Liam was a great napper. He had a good one from around 10-11am, and another around 2-3pm. He was in a good mood all day. I decided to discourage cat naps after 3pm, and try a slightly earlier bedtime instead. Once around 6pm when he was nursing, I realized he was trying to "trick" me and was actually trying to nap rather than eat! He was sucking, but no longer swallowing. Then I realized he had been doing this a lot lately when I thought I was nursing him to get ready for bed when I was sitting with him for 1 hour. Little stinker! ;-) So I made sure to keep him awake so he'd get a good feeding in.

He started showing his normal tired signs at 6:30 pm. The sun was still shinning, so I closed all the curtains upstairs and gave him a bath at 6:45. Next, I got on his pajamas, then I read him a short book and let him look at all the pictures. Then I nursed him, careful again he was actually eating. He was very distracted by what he daddy was doing in another room, so I turned on some white noise and this helped tremendously. He got a good feeding in. I next set him in the crib fully awake, and turned the soother on. I had the ceiling fan lightly on and the humidifier going.

I anticipated he would want to nurse more, so this time I moved the rocking chair into our bedroom so if he was starting to get sleepy it would be easier to set him down. Sure enough, the soother's 18 minutes of music stopped and he started fussing. I went in, picked him up, and nursed him awhile (keeping him awake though it was pretty dark). I turned the soother back on. When I set him down, at first he looked at me and fussed, but I kissed his forehead, shooshed and patted him, then offered him a pacifier. He only took it for about a minute, but in that minute he really calmed down and was almost asleep. I slowly backed away, and left the room with the soother still playing (no need to creep out). I was listening downstairs on the monitor, and was excited to hear he went to sleep!

A loud car woke him up briefly, but thankfully he cried out once and went back to sleep. The new experimental routine only took 1.5 hours total and didn't leave me feeling more drained. He did wake up to eat again at 10:15 as I was finishing this, but to my surprise he went right back to sleep easily after eating. How much he wakes up or doesn't at night has not been a problem most nights, and I'm not worried about getting him to "sleep through the night" since sometimes he will (and I don't expect it now), sometimes he won't just like any other person. I just didn't want to keep up with that old bedtime routine that wasn't working! Getting a good bedtime routine is the best way I know to encourage general good sleeping habits.

I'm not all smug about this, I know it could change tomorrow. The most important thing to me right now is trying to find the time Liam is tired in the evening and more naturally wants to sleep, and consistently encouraging a bedtime routine that is more friendly to both of us!