The Struggle of Being a Professional and a Mom

This week we realized Liam grew out of the old Graco SnugRide infant car seat by height after I read on the side of it it should only be used for kids up to 20 pounds and 26 inches tall. I noticed it was starting to fit him a little different, and while it doesn't look too bad yet we're still transitioning him to his brand new Graco Safe Seat that is good for up to 30 pounds and 32 inches long. It doesn't fit as well in our Toyota Corolla, but fits great in the little Neon (that ironically has a bigger backseat even though it's a smaller car). So, we'll either be driving the Neon more for awhile (so he can sit in the middle of the rear seat), or we'll be losing some seating in the Corolla from this point on. The old car seat will continue to serve us as a baby "Lazy Boy" rocking chair for naps ;-)

I have been busy, busy, busy lately. Back on Wednesday, I had the exhibit design company that had given me an offer to be a freelance designer for them finally email me. He asked if I was able to start immediately, and I said yes how about tomorrow? So, 10:30 on Thursday morning I received my first project helping layout large scale magnetic poetry (yes, like what people put on the fridge!) for a new exhibit going up in Chicago. The work itself was pretty tedious, but I actually really enjoyed it. I didn't realize how much I missed design work. It is even more fun right now working at home. It has it's challenges for sure, and may not work when Liam is on the move trying to get into everything. But right now, he's happy to play in the Exersaucer or to kick around (usually he just rolls on his belly and does exercises to get ready for future crawling) on the floor. He likes all his other toys, and loves to nap in car seats. Sometimes I let him nap in my lap as well when I'm working, as long as he is quiet and doesn't start squirming and pulling my hair when I'm trying to work. Michael has also been here working from home, so between both of us we can still balance our assignments and take care of Liam. He still gets attention too. I put the Exersaucer by me and talk to him sometimes when I'm working. He gives the sweetest smiles in return!

Back on Wednesday, I was also surprised to get an email from one of the companies I contacted to keep my unemployment requirements. This is for a full time position, and would be as a designer for a magazine. They first asked for work samples, so I sent them the link to my online portfolio. After that, they called me and wanted to do a phone interview. This ended up being scheduled for 11:30 am, also on Thursday. The exhibit design firm had wanted to meet up at 11am, but I asked for 10:30. This was tight, but worked out perfectly. I did make one mistake that made me feel like an idiot: when I went upstairs waiting for the phone call at 11:30 I got all the way to the third floor before realizing I left my phone in the car (down at basement level!!). I ran like crazy, but had already missed the call. I was kicking myself, but I got the message and wrote the man's extension down. I was able to call him back, no big deal.

When I further reviewed the position, I realized it actually was a very good fit. It was similar in many ways to the position I lost in September, and their process didn't sound too different from what I was used to. I had no problem answering all the questions and talking about all the work experience that related to what they are looking for. I nailed the interview too, the man even told me at the end I was on his short list and a woman from HR would be calling me to set up a longer interview where I'd get to meet the full staff and learn a lot more about the position. I got this call today, and asked for Thursday or Friday. I want to delay as long as possible, as I know they are trying to fill this position ASAP.

Though I don't know of course if I'll get an offer or not, I am having VERY mixed feeling about this all. Doing freelance, especially for an exhibit design firm so close I could walk to it has been a dream of mine. I am even enjoying the "boring" production work right now. I really don't know how much work they'll pass on but they are busy enough I get the impression it could be a steady stream at least for awhile. And having just one freelance job can lead to others. It's always hardest to get that first big break.

Ironically, it was early April I started my previous job and I had received the offer right after I received freelance projects with a branding firm. This is almost a little deja vu for me, eerily similar in some ways. Originally I was convinced I did not want to go back to working full-time for awhile. But now, I find myself wondering and asking myself what it would take to get me to do that. Liam is the most important consideration. I am happy taking care of him all day, but I'm also happy about doing design work. Generally, I have the personality that likes to balance a little of all worlds, as long as our needs are being met and everyone is happy. If that wasn't happening, I'd definitely sacrifice time working over time with my baby.

We're in a strange place right now that has actually opened my stubborn mind to the possibility of full-time work. The practical side of me is saying I am crazy to turn down a full-time offer if it is a really good one in this economy. With a full-time job I'd have less time with Liam, but we'd have more money, there isn't concern of not getting freelance work or the unemployment benefits running out, plus we'd have real insurance. I take providing for my family very seriously. I know Michael is going to be looking for work soon though. He's going to be networking as early as this Tuesday.

The dreamer side of me says just stay with what you want to do. It might lead into a full-time job someday if you decide to take one, and a full-time job in what you always wanted to do. You know magazine design is fun, but it's not your real passion. You were ready for change, so keep embracing this chance. Plus, you already found you can get bored working on one thing throughout the year, and exhibit design and other freelance give you endless variety. And you know God will take care of you. You can step out on faith for awhile for the money, and just keep living frugally. Your insurance isn't great now but it would protect you if you really needed it. There is no reason for you to rush into something else. You can always get a mother's helper or even find occasional sitters possibly if you need to, but with freelancing you'll have the ability to set your own hours and have the ultimate flexibility.

If Michael was working, I know I'd just freelance without looking back. Maybe that's my answer. But I'm still staying open-minded. I still want to really pray and think about this. Part of me wants to pray, please don't give me a full-time job offer unless I am supposed to really consider it. I did turn down a job offer once before, and could do it again though I don't like hard choices like that! In reality, I'm just going to ask God to give me clarity. He always answers this prayer, but it's a tricky one because sometimes they way to go isn't the easy or desired choice! I also keep asking myself what it would take for me to accept it, or if no matter how much money they offer or what benefits that I would just keep on this current path.

I don't know what to do, or what I'll do. Stay tuned! I know moms who work, and I know moms who don't. I know moms doing the opposite of me right now and looking to leave their jobs. It is always a personal decision. Whether you are a mom who stays in the professional world, or a mom who leave it for awhile, there is no general right or wrong answer. You have to be really introspective, and figure out what works for you and your family. There is also no rule you cannot take an exit ramp and turn around if you get a few miles down the road and figure out you made a mistake after all.

Today Liam had his second round of shots, and Michael took him so I could work. It was good, because Michael was gone for two hours, and that would have been lost pay for me. Michael reported that the ladies in the waiting room loved Liam, and were saying how he was "such a Daddy's boy (they could tell he was the father in other words)." He said Liam took the shots like a champ. He cried for maybe 30 seconds to a minute after each, then was fine and he soothed himself (I felt bad at first I wouldn't be there to nurse him right away for comfort, better after this). He came home awake and happy, with sparkly bandages. He's nursed a lot today and slept in my lap while I worked part of the afternoon. Otherwise has been fine. Now just three days shy of 5 months, here are his current stats. Pretty impressive compared to where he was just under 3 weeks ago! He is now 26.5 inches tall, 16 lbs 10 oz, and has a head circumference I just measured of 17 inches. Grow Liam!