Change Begins With Me

Liam and I both seem to operate best with just a little structure in our day. I recognized recently I need more in my own life. After I got laid off, I lost the daily structure I knew. Everyone knows life with a newborn is incompatible with structure. But now I am observing Liam's natural patterns and schedules, I have the opportunity to set one again that would help us both. I recognized that I need to do a better job at setting priorities for myself.

When it comes to priorities, it is not that I cannot or do not set priorities. My problem is I am not consistent, or effective about it. Instead of working my day so getting enough rest is always a priority, one night I'll place such a high priority on work or updating the blog that I'll ignore going to bed at a reasonable hour or letting myself unwind so I'll have a horrible time getting enough rest. There are weeks I make meal planning a priority, and eat plenty of fresh vegetables and have a balanced diet, and another week I let it slide and get mad at Michael for not reading my mind and helping cook (when I'm too inconsistent for him to really know when to help anyway!). There are other days I set too many priorities and end up just feeling defeated. I know that to set the best priorities for myself, I need to be more aware of my needs. That really is hard sometimes for a mom especially, but oh so important.

I'm starting simple. First and foremost, above all else I need to set getting enough rest as a high priority. I cannot be effective in anything else without enough rest. This will require me to set boundaries on work some nights, or web surfing. This also requires me to get enough down time in the evening to unwind. I have discovered if I don't let myself unwind, tried or not I will lay awake in bed or just not sleep as well. Since Liam is great about getting up around 8am every morning, I need to plan on that. I actually think it is a great wake up time, and the only thing required of me is simply going to bed at a decent hour (which is probably by 11pm, since he doesn't sleep 12 hours straight).

I'm also planning to synchronize my own schedule a little with Liam's, since I like his current patterns. On a normal day, if there aren't other disruptions and all is good, he wakes up around 8am, goes down for a nap around 10 am. Sleeps around 1 hour (sometimes with a little rocking if he tries to cat nap...the longer naps are really helping him more). Goes down for another nap around 2pm, and sometimes naps almost 2 hours. For awhile he did need a third nap (especially when he never napped an hour), but now he is taking longer naps. I recently was suspecting the third nap might be prolonging bedtime (which was also making it harder for me to unwind or work so I could get to bed).

So, tonight when he woke up from his afternoon nap around 3:30 we decided to keep him awake and try putting him in bed an hour earlier, instead of letting him have an extra nap. At the time he used to get this extra nap, I took him for a walk instead, since he loves the walks and stays happy and relaxed during them.

Michael and I had also discussed other general and joint priorities we want or need earlier in the day, and one of the things we realized is we might need to actually go eat out at cheap places more often so we didn't always have to fret about cleaning the kitchen every single night and we have more time to relax together. So tonight we took a family walk and had Chicago style gyros for dinner. Liam was happy (even though a light rain started to fall (he was covered), and we were happy. We ate dinner at 6pm while Liam played a little more, I gave him a bath at 6:30, put him in pajamas, make sure he got a good nursing session in, cuddled in and talked softly to him, and left the room a little before 7. It was amazing, he fell right asleep! No third nap really seemed to make a huge difference, so I think we will try enforcing no more naps after 4pm and doing more walks or playing with him around then instead for awhile.

Michael and I enjoyed his 7pm bedtime. We actually had some quality time with each other (which we determined we want to incorporate more...so we don't just cohabit the same house doing our own thing all the time...it is surprisingly easy to do when you are both working at home). We are also getting our time to unwind and do our own thing need (important to him, with his model railroading projects and important to me because I like a little time to chat, blog, etc.). Liam did wake up like he has been an hour after he went to sleep. But this time with both just kind of rolled our eyes and I laughed, and we just listened instead of one of us running up there. After two or three long moans, he just went back to sleep. He did this again an hour after that. We just listened, and again he just went back to sleep. I had noticed as long as he has a good feeding before bed, he doesn't need any extra feedings so soon (when we do go get him, if I tried to nurse him he'd be out in less than 5 minutes anyway). If he has no problem going back to sleep, we need to continue to let him do it and not go up there needlessly.

I'm going to make the point now to get off the computer and do nothing but relax by 10:30, and get myself in bed by 11. I want to start doing this consistently, and working with this general routine. I know that in establishing a few daily priorities (like getting enough rest, eating a balanced diet, regular exercise), then practicing setting some achievable priorities of the day (like doing a certain load of laundry, balancing the checkbook, working) it might help me get my life back in order, spend more time with Michael, and of course be a better mom to little Liam.

It won't be so easy, but I'm positive and confident this is a good start.