Challenges of Motherhood

I have heard in the baby years kids are more physically challenging, but as they get older they are more mentally/emotionally challenging. However, I disagree so far. I am finding having a baby emotionally very challenging right now. It keeps my prayer life very active, especially at night.

Moms have a lot working against them from hormone swings (I haven't noticed too much of that actually, not sure why...I haven't been weepy or anything), to having to get used to being completely on demand 24 hours a day (this was harder at first but gets better when I remember how quickly this will pass). New moms also get bombarded with advice, criticism (haven't had that yet but know it will come), attention everywhere we aren't used to, all while having to learn to take our focus off the housework, projects, ourselves, and some of the other people we care about at least for awhile. The physical challenges of sleep deprivation also only intensify the emotional challenge. With all this said, it wasn't until I became a mom that I have had this deep of respect for moms. I really didn't know what it is like until now.

Yesterday evening we took Liam to a toy store for the first time. Michael wanted to go get some supplies for his model railroad upstairs, as a reward for getting the proposal draft done. I did not want to let him drive since he had only 2 hours of sleep and the roads were wet and dark. So, the whole family ended up going out. Liam was just asleep in the Moby most of the time. He only started screaming once, but walking around the aisles calmed him right down.

I got a few minutes in between feedings to get some dishes loaded into the dishwasher last night and to clean off the counter tops. Michael held Liam and put him to sleep on his chest while I finished getting myself ready for bed. I set Liam in the bassinet and we all tried to go to sleep around 12:30am. Well, almost immediately he started whimpering, and this turned into a wail. I got up and took him to the nursery so Michael hopefully could still sleep. No dirty diaper, and he nursed for maybe 5 minutes before he went back to sleep. I laid him back in the bassinet. 10-20 minutes later, the cycle begins again. I did the same procedure and again no dirty diaper and he nibbled a few minutes before going to sleep. 10-20 minutes later, the pattern starts repeating again. He has never been like this before, and I was just begging for rest in my head.

Chester was obviously concerned and was circling my legs as I walked to the nursery and then was standing on his hind paws, stretching his front paws up my legs. He then jumped on the changing table to investigate and see along with me there was no dirty diaper, again. This time Liam didn't even really want to eat, just scream. I decided to go back to bed as I resented the idea of sitting in this nursery all night long when I was so tired and the house was so cold. I felt bad because Chester then was walking all over Michael, who was silent but couldn't be fully asleep in the middle of all this chaos and screaming. I felt this weird mix of extreme frustration (a sign I am hitting my emotional/stress limit), love and concern, and helplessness.

Finally, I just decided to put him in the bed next to me, between us, so I at least could rest. We've been practicing side-nursing in bed, and while I am not good at it yet (Liam often gets frustrated waiting on me to get everything in the right position), but it still helps me get a chance to rest when I really need it. This was much better than constantly leaving the room or sitting up in the bed watching Michael and the cats all able to rest, when I cannot get a break.

The trial finally ended at 2:30 am, peace again reigned. Chester curled up on the bed, while Liam and his parents all got about 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep! When he woke up next, I just did more side-nursing until he went back to sleep. He slept for two more hours, then I got up to change him and feed him on the other side. I put him in the bassinet, this time with no issue. When he next woke up, I was shocked 2 more hours had passed. I then just pulled him into bed and side-nursed him so we both got a little more rest and I now am ready to face the day.

I also have decided I want to try cloth diapers more than ever. I am not a fan of disposables. They have semi-regular blow-outs that create poo stains that are hard to remove from clothes, get so dry some poo specks literally get glued to the poor baby's butt and need scrubbed off, cause Liam's little butt to be red frequently unless we regularly use corn starch or Desitin, plus they are fairly expensive and are easy to waste (I cannot tell you how many times I change a wet diaper only to put a fresh one on and hear him fill it up within 30 minutes later!).

The current amount of laundry I do is also not overwhelming and I honestly would rather do more laundry than worry about when we can get back to Sam's Club to buy more diapers. Today's cloth diapers I would consider do not need soaked in nasty pails like the ones my parents used did (YUCK!), and to fight stains moms I know swear by the power of sunlight, special sprayers, and just using fleece liners. I also am not totally concerned about minor stains.

I have been doing lots of research, and am interested in trying some one size kinds that can generally fit most babies from 7-35 pounds and are as easy to use as disposables. I have heard great things about this kind and might try out others as well. They are expensive individually, but friends I know who used them say you don't necessarily need that many (especially as the baby starts getting older). Around 15 seem to be doable, and there are package deals out there that let you sample different brands or buy in bulk to save money. Plus, since they are reusable, they are a great investment when you plan to have other kids.

I at least want to experiment and put them head to head against the disposables to see what works for us. Cloth and disposables are not truly superior over one another, it just seems different solutions work better for different families.